Friday, November 23, 2007


Ever since, I never believe in luck but I tried to appreciate it and try to use it, because maybe my friends wants to hear it. I believe that everything had a reason, and usually I equate phenomenas to the different laws I am familiar with; be it religion, philosophy, and even science. Take for example the most popular Law of Reciprocities, in the Bible it is stated this way: "Do good to others, if you want others to do good to you", In Confucius way, it is stated: "Do not do unto others, what you don't want others to do unto you." two different authors but same meaning. In science they have it this way: "In every action there is an equal reaction" the Law of Inertia.

Yesterday I woke up at around 5:00 am in the morning, the wind was so cold my window is wide open, I tried to sleep again for another hour, but I felt my urinary bladder is so full that I need to empty or else I might get some kidney stones. So I went up and go straight to the bathroom, it's still dark maybe the sun will rise in thirty minutes. Since I already went out of bed I prepared my breakfast, took a bath, fix myself for work and will be going by 7:00 am.

I hesitated to use the car, although it is unleaded, environmental friendly, but not too friendly for my pocket, too bad this is Philippines, the gas is sky high, wish I'm in America maybe its way practical to use the car all the time, Well I guess I need to save my money for the upcoming Christmas, or else if I spend much I cannot buy some gifts for my family, "It's better to give than to receive" like they usually said. Anyway, I took a bus going to work, I prefer riding a bus than the usual Jeepney, bus is more faster and comfy. I save at least 80% of my daily budget without my car. So what's the use of having that car? Well it's a void mentality.

It usually took one hour to travel from my home to my workplace. I want to take a few nap on the bus, but my brain is wide awake due to some percentage of caffeine I took this morning. I was sitting at the aisle across my seat on my left, was a lady on her 20's her thumb is moving so fast, utilizing the most powerful tool of the millennia: "text messaging", on the other hand I tried to open my phone, well as always "no one cares". No new text messages to greet my caffeinated morning. hehe, So I decided to open some old messages and tried to read some again.

Few days ago, I received some text messages from my former classmates, asking if they could barrow my review materials for their upcoming American licensure examination. In things like that, I never think twice, I always shared what I had, because I have noticed the more I share, more good things are coming back. I remember the movie "Pay It Forward" It's good to help without a return. When I hand over the reviews materials to my friends, they tried to pay me or gave me something in exchange, but I always told them, "I want you to help others also, don't pay me back." The movie "Pay It Forward" really touches my heart, I thought I was going to cry after watching it, but I can't produce tears, maybe my heart had all the tears for my eyes.

Monday, November 19, 2007

1st year

Today is my first anniversary as a Licensed Professional of the United States of America. I remember this day when I took the Licensure Examination held in Hong Kong, China. Every moment I stayed in that foreign land, and every inch of imagination I had for America makes me the happiest person in the world in ephemeral way, yet now at the moment, I'm still here in the Philippines. Sometimes I feel frustrated because of the extreme delayed on the visa processing. But I know I'm not the only one having this kind of problem, I'm not alone experiencing this "retrogression". I know I should keep the hope, this is the only reason I could support my ego.

Today, I felt happy for my anniversary, felt disappointed for the American visa retrogression.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Starry Night

Im back writing again, well there is only one reason, Im bored haha.
I was waiting for some MSN friends to be online and have a few chat with, but no one is online, well it looks strange to me. Maybe everybody is celebrating the Saturday night, but here I am, a "CYBORG" again, I call it "cyborg" for a person hanging on the cyberspace or the internet. Well for some time in few days when I get busy working, I will missed this cyborg life.

Tonight I went outside the house looking at the sky, wow full of stars, trying to figure out the constellation, heck! as if I was so expert to analyze them. For me, my life, our life, is like a star, different sizes, different figures, some glitters, others are fading, you would see others tonight, others the next night, and some you would see now but you won't see again forever. Some stars forms in different figures, seems trying to emit a message. Its a mixed emotion looking at the starry night. I feel sad, excited, relaxed, and curious. If I were there in the sky and be one of them, maybe I was the fading one from a far, unnoticeable, barely detectable, in short I am a boring star.

Although this is Philippines but it's getting cold, ok time for me to get inside and get some decaf. It's 11:00 at night, and I just woke up, I dont feel going back to bed at the moment, so maybe I have to read some books or watch T.V.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

My Noisy Whisper

At some boring moment hanging on this MYSPACE I got elated to write these words whom I know few would open and read or even none at all. Since I realized that maybe I was the only one reading my blogs then probably I would enjoy it much for I can write some private thoughts that no one could possibly noticed. In such case I would love reading back these words in the future, and analize how stupid I was.

Speaking about my future, well I think I got a few hesitations to predict. How I wish, I could peek some parts of it, so that I can anticipate what to do in the present. Like Forest Gump had to say; "Life is a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you'll gonna get." We all hope to pick the good ones, but it will always on our hands how to pick them. Sometimes we experience the downfall, which gives us a reason to despair and blame, and now came some friends to comfort us and made us realized all the reasons to move on. Good thing we had our friends, they are like a battery charger, they add up energy on us. At some point they are our inspirations because we also learn from each others mistakes, and charged each others battery. This is the mystery on friendship, sometimes it is always easy for us to give advices, but when we ourselves had a problem, it is difficult for us to solve, thus still needs our friends advices. Thank God for creating this word "Friendship".

It's difficult to sail the ocean alone, more to that friendship, will be one special friend that would stay my side from sunrise to the sunset of my life. Whom I could promise in front of God's face that even death can't set apart. That would also give a new generation from our blood. If I would rely on destiny, I'm afraid I can't find one. Sometimes, with weird and funny desparation, I would think, maybe my special girl would stare at the moon some nights, on moments I would also stare at it, but where in the world would be her?

Ok I think I'm done whining to kill my boring moments tonight. I have to sleep now for tomorrow is the new boring day of my life. Goodnight!

Friday, November 9, 2007

God Still Listens

When I wake up this morning, I heard the first Christmas song for this year. A time when God came to earth, to sacrifice for our sins. But everyday people commit sins, will God be coming again to redeem us? I know I am a sinner, who doesn't? I believe everyone. Anyone who is not, can cast a stone on me! just like a passage in the Bible. We are not perfect, and from that imperfections, we all have our way to overcome it. I pray and ask for forgiveness. I don't do any number of memorized prayers, or sacrifices because I don't join in any religion, I am a born Catholic but I came to realize some mistakes having a religion. For me, religions are just organization with a leader that demands it followers what to do, or else these unfaithful devotee will suffer from the ocean of fire called hell, or something that creates fear in you.

I remember when I was in fourth grade, My teacher scolded me for I accidentally break a cheap red jar made of clay. She pinch my stomach, and I still remember how painful it was. After the class I was silently crying fixing my things, preparing to go home. It was a first Friday of the month, so the Church is open for the first friday mass. My teacher had shouted at me, "You should attend the mass and ask God for forgiveness." I was wondering, Why should I ask God for forgiveness? I accidentally break the Jar, I admit that I break it I didn't lie, I can't see any point that I should ask for forgiveness. Having so young mind, I was gullible enough to follow her, she is my teacher, and also I'm afraid that God would hate me.

My point is, religion sometimes is a tool that some people in authority can make use to fear others. Can be use among weak followers. Take a look how religion had influence our history. In the first EDSA revolution in the 1980's, well I was still a toddler that period but as I read it, look how the Cardinal had done to scare the dictator, Ferdinand Marcos, those Nuns flocking the street of EDSA with flowers and rosary, of course Marcos is a Catholic, with too much pressure from them at some point he had to follow these people for they claim they were the messenger from heaven. Also, I realize, the big influence of religion during the Spanish occupation in the Philippines. The works of our national hero Jose P. Rizal is enough to believe these religion's ruthless power, read the Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo. Who is Damaso, and what did he do?

For me, I don't want to be called a Roman Catholic or any religion at all. I am assured of myself that I am a Christian. I believe Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I trust God with all my heart, and I know, God listens to my prayer even I don't have religion.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

This afternoon I received a most childish statement blurt out by someone I would never want to argue with the rest of my life, for they are so special to me.

Last November 1, 2007, we went approximately 98 KM northeast of Iloilo City, to light a candle for my grandmother on my paternal side, in celebration for "All Saints Day". When we arrived at the cemetery, Our relatives had welcomed us, maybe thankful enough for our presence, since we came too far. One of my Aunt suddenly ask me, "How fast can you drive? Can you drive as fast as your cousin?" (her daughter, same age as I am), then I replied, "Well I believe she drives fast." actually I don't even know how she really drives, but on situation such as that, maybe it is much better to be humble, and that's the way I am proud of my self, being modest all the time.

Few days later, I received a news from some of my cousins, they said, she (my fast driver cousin) was texting everybody in the family, that on our way home, back to the City she was able to reach me, somewhere in Zarraga (two towns away from the City we were heading). Bragging, that I even depart 30 minutes ahead from her. So what is her point? I'm not pretty sure, what this is all about. If this is an insult, it's not so venomous to rock my affect. I just laugh about it, what a pity! I can't imagine I got this stupid remarks from my cousin, I don't know how to react exactly, should I be mad? Maybe this was just due to the testosterone I had on my body. Being a man, I think it is an insult if you will be called lame on anything that you do, right? Men are suppose to be stronger than women.

Ok, let me have my Logic: I left at around 4:00 pm, maybe she left 4:30 pm, I arrived at the City 6:00 pm, if you take a bus, you would spend three hours of traveling. I was driving from 70 - 100 kilometers per hour, with some considerations on few poor road quality, and I never ever remember of any vehicle who outruns me. Actually it was me who enjoy overrunning that moment. Not that she hits my ego, but it was her dishonesty that really pissed me off. What a shame! In the first place I never thought that she could get credits from her delusions.

No matter what, she's still my cousin, I should love her and not suppose to hate her. I can give up my ego and all, but not to the point that she should be lying to everybody. I can easily forgive and forget, I don't want to hate, I don't need a sorry either. Like they said; "Blood is Thicker than Water."

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Ambivalent Feelings

Call Centers had been the latest fad nowadays. For me it's just a fancy job, In a way it can also help me financially. One time, last Month I hop in, inside a Call Center to apply. That day it wasn't in my plan to search for any part time jobs, I just went to the mall and buy some things, since I passed by a call center office on my way home, I tried to read a banner "The World is Still Hiring" I begun to contemplate for a few seconds. Then I told myself, Hmm well why not give a try, let see how the world really hires hehe! I went inside the office and a lady on her early thirties approach me, (asked me on a perfect American Accent) "Good afternoon Sir, How may I help you?" Then I replied in a little nervous tone (in my mind, ok ok I have to speak the accent the way she does) "Ohh I saw the banner outside, and I was thinking I could join your team." She smiled back saying, "Ok Sir please fill up the information on our computer." I filled all the details on a resume format on their computer system. After I'm done, she reviewed my resume and told me to come back the next day for the interview.

Next Day on the interview, She ask some details about things I placed on my resume, ask me to read loudly a short story, ask me about my weaknesses and so many things the usual interview is done, in the end she told me to wait for the result through email.

Two days after, I received the result: "WE WELCOME YOU TO OUR TEAM!" Oh my God the moment I read it, I don't know if I really have to work in their company, besides I was thinking its a graveyard shift! Which means I will be awake the whole night and be sleeping the whole day. I tried to ask my mom for her opinion, and she really discouraged me to work at the call centers for several reasons, but my mom's opinion had nothing to do with my final decision, Mom also told me to follow what I think is ok for me. The company sent me a Text Message (SMS) to report for the final interview and instructions they will be giving. I had one day to think deeply! Should I work with them or what?

Ok, I blew it! I did not went to the final meeting. I also feel disappointed for what I did, for sure that company would hate me more, because I wasted their time. Oh my God, I feel really stupid.